


turn my soul into a raging fire

by maxverstappens



Series: the someone waiting for me [1]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Anger Management, Established Relationship, FIFA World Cup 2018, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 03:54:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20221366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxverstappens/pseuds/maxverstappens
Summary: The broken pieces of drywall are still scattered across the hotel room floor as Manu leans against the bathroom door and glares at them, his knuckles drip blood onto the carpet as the city comes to life around him.or,how the loss against Mexico in Russia changed Thomas and Manu's lives.





	turn my soul into a raging fire

**Author's Note:**

> is this really the first actual self-standing fic that i've posted since May? apparently, also weird. but. hey. hi. i'm not dead, surprise. 
> 
> now, this is an unofficial gift for my two best friends for... existing. I have never been more grateful to have them as I have been during the last seventy two hours and thus, this came out of pretty much nowhere but it's more meaningful than any fic I have written or ever will write again. I'm just, I'm so lucky to have you two and I love you more than I could ever put into words - I know, I'm a terrible writer, I can't even think of an adjective, moving on. Love you guys and our lil ship and our headcanons that forever grow and grow ♡

The broken pieces of drywall are still scattered across the hotel room floor as Manu leans against the bathroom door and glares at them, his knuckles drip blood onto the carpet as the city comes to life around him, cars zooming past and dogs barking. The wall is cracked, a fist-shaped hole punched through so far that Manu wonders whether the room next door has noticed the impact. 

He turns his hand palm up, the light reflects off the small beads of sweat on his hand and the strap of his watch as he clenches and unclenches his fingers and feels the stinging agony in his knuckles from losing all self control. Another piece of drywall floats from where it’s broken away and falls down to the floor, twisting and spinning in the air and lands with a delicate touch. 

Far more delicate than Manu had been when the noise became too much and he had swung at the nearest surface close to him. His fingers cracked when he made contact with the wall and in so many ways it was so much more satisfying than the game had been. 

He’s dealt with them. The taunts, jeers, the hatred thrown at him from the stands but he’s never had it like this. He’s used to it, seven years might have passed since he left Schalke and became the most hated person to ever exist- well, according to them. He’s become accustomed to dealing with the reception he receives and he does a good enough job of blocking it out - this though. This is so far beyond anything that the fans who once praised his name could throw at him. 

Manu would be lying if he said he hadn’t half expected it but the feeling of it hitting home, finally understanding what a mistake he’d made all those years ago when he was a naive boy. Hearing those gibes thrown at him  _ now  _ when he truly understands how much they can pierce him. 

He looks at the product of all that directed anger, the fury that burns his veins and the corners of his eyes. The wall looks pitiful and Manu knows he should have controlled it  but hearing those jaunts, hearing them directed at him and there not being  _ anybody  _ else who they could have been directed at. 

It sickens him. 

The Mexico fans were unrelenting and got louder every time that Manu touched the ball and Manu would be lying if he didn’t feel a pair of eyes on him, Thomas’ eyes. Thomas doesn’t have to be a bonafide genius to work out the literal translation of what they were shouting, Manu isn’t stupid enough to assume that Thomas had next to no idea. 

Manu closes his eyes, his head pounds as he slides down until he’s slumped on the floor, his hand shines in the light of the hotel room, the dried blood- brown and dark, the  fresh blood glistening and the beginnings of a quite spectacular array of bruises starting to appear. He rests his hand against his knee and stares at the result of losing control and he can feel himself begin to spiral. He’s gotten better, he knows that he’s not as out of control as he used to be when it came to his temper but moments, cruel reminders that the world is full of assholes manage to break him down to the point where he has no control over his actions. 

It’s a curse. 

Manu opens his eyes and the light almost blinds him as he stares up at the ceiling, his heart pounds against his chest as he thinks of mismatched eyes, his gaze falls to the wall again and he wonders if he should go now and let Thomas find the wall and question it without having the culprit staring him in the eye. 

He could stand in front of it, hide it from sight but that’s just as ridiculous as trying to deny to his boyfriend’s face that no he didn’t just punch his hotel room wall out of sheer anger. 

Really, Manu thinks he has done them a favour because the wallpaper in this room screams the eighties more than his toddler bedroom did and that  _ was  _ actually the eighties. 

He hears a familiar laugh in the hallway and all sense of what to do disappears as he snaps his head towards the door, an expression of a deer caught in the headlights as he hears Thomas swear under his breath outside the door as he tries to unlock it. 

“Sweetheart, how are you-” Thomas starts to ask once the door is open and he’s inside but he stops upon seeing Manu with tear-stained cheeks and a bloodied hand. 

It’s only when he lets go of the door and it slowly falls shut, softly clicking that Thomas notices the wall, his eyebrows flying up to his hairline. 

“Manu?! What the fuck happened?!” Thomas almost screeches, 

Manu flinches before shrugging. “Redecorated.” He quips, and he’d smirk if he wasn’t so completely torn up. 

Thomas scowls and tears his gaze away from the wall to his boyfriend and he snaps out of it when he sees the state of Manu’s hand once more. 

“What happened to your hand-? Did you-?” Thomas can’t even force the question out, everything clicking into place in an instant. “Babe…” Thomas murmurs and he sinks to his knees in front of Manu and tentatively takes his hand, “talk to me, you owe me  _ that  _ much right now.” 

Manu shakes his hand and feels his fingers curling up as Thomas’ thumb slides around the edges of the cuts on his knuckles. He can’t speak for trying, the words jamming in his throat as he guiltily,  _ ashamedly  _ avoids eye contact with Thomas. 

Thomas doesn’t push him, never has, he just waits and examines what possible damage Manu has caused silently, carefully moving Manu’s hand into his own lap with as little distress as he can. 

“You heard them.” 

Thomas presses his lips into a thin line but other than that he doesn’t react to Manu’s words. 

“You know what they were calling me.” Manu continues, voice as soft and smooth as butter but broken and choked as though he’s swallowed glass. “You know.” 

“I do.” Thomas forces out, “you need to clean your hand, come on.” 

Manu raises his eyebrows, confused, feeling ignored as Thomas helps him to his feet and pulls him into the bathroom. The water is cold and Manu almost pulls his hand away but manages to keep it there long enough for the blood to be washed away and for the damage to be fully exposed. 

Thomas grabs a towel and slowly dabs Manu’s hand with it, eyebrows knit together in concentration before he’s grabbing the first aid kit from the cabinet above the sink and smiling reassuringly at Manu. 

Manu sits on the edge of the bed after leaving the bathroom as Thomas starts to clean the wound properly, 

“It killed me. Hearing what they were shouting and let’s face it,  _ everybody  _ knew they were directing it at you.” Thomas laughs sadly, bitterly, “I couldn’t do anything.” 

He glances up at his boyfriend and Manu finally sees the clouded dullness to Thomas’ eyes, finally sees that he isn’t the only one impacted by all of this. Manu winces but Thomas kisses him once, twice quickly, framing his face and offering him a sad smile. 

“Sweetheart, you want to tell about that now?” Thomas wonders and he nods towards the wall. 

Manu balls his other hand into a fist and feels his own breathing start to become heavier within seconds. 

“I just, it made me so angry, Thommy.” Manu mutters, blinking down at the beige coloured carpet in the room as Thomas stops completely, “so angry.” 

Thomas rocks back and forth on his heels and wears every ounce of stress that the both of them are feeling on his face. Manu knows that he doesn’t have to explain what caused him to turn around and take a swing at the wall and with the words clogging up his throat - he isn’t sure if he can anyway but he forces them out, they drag at his throat  like sandpaper on wood. 

“It got to me this time… more than I ever thought it could.” Manu starts, Thomas laces his fingers through Manu’s unhurt hand,  _ “fuck.”  _

“I know.” Thomas soothes, his thumb rubbing over the back of Manu’s hand in circular motions, 

The wall serves as a constant reminder and whilst deep down Manu feels somewhat impressed with the level of force that he managed to put behind the punch now that he’s had a chance to come down from the fury-

“I didn’t mean to get  _ that  _ angry but- but just- they did that and have no idea.” Manu coughs to try and hide the derisive laugh but failing as much as he had to control his temper. “I tried to stop it but they got to me… again.”

“Manu, it’s okay.” Thomas promises, moving up from the floor and letting go of Manu’s hand to go and inspect the damage to the wall, with a sigh, he turns back to his boyfriend. “It doesn’t look so bad.” Thomas tries, lightening the mood best he can. 

“How much do you think they’ll charge me for it?” Manu asks, shaking his head and dropping his gaze.

“Not sure, babe, but just be thankful you can’t see through to next door’s room- actually, wait a second-” Thomas stops, his lips curling upwards slightly as he bangs against the wall as hard as he can, pieces of drywall breaking off every time Thomas’ palm makes contact with it. 

“Neuer!” A familiar voice shouts and Thomas snickers at the strangled sound of Mats’ voice. “Shut the fuck up!”

Even Manu manages the smallest of smiles at managing to annoy Mats without even doing anything. Thomas turns away from the wall and his smile falls upon seeing how dejected Manu looks, he knows this is just the icing on the cake of the loss and it tears him up inside to not know how to fix this. 

“You’re only human, Manu. You’re allowed to be affected by this and upset by it.” Thomas’ voice seems a lot more pronounced and booms across the room in the silence that blankets the air around them. 

Manu’s jaw clenches and Thomas realises that he’s getting towards the root of the problem- whether he likes it or not. The steps across the room seem to happen in slow motion with Manu barely moving until Thomas is back in front of him and kneeling down so that they can meet each other’s gaze, 

“Listen to me-”

“No. Listen to me, you’re not the one who has had to carry around that stupid statement for years. I regret saying that but I’m stuck with it now and- _Jesus Christ- _I’m sick of it coming back up in situations like these.” Manu bites, jaw clenched further and there’s a resigned ferocity in his eyes that almost takes Thomas aback. “I’m the one who fucked up and I shouldn’t even be allowed to be hurt over this. I _asked _for this, Thommy-”

“- Marry me.” Thomas interrupts, 

Manu’s rant about past events and naive opinions falls flat and he stares open mouthed at his boyfriend. Thomas would laugh at the incredulous expression if his heartbeat hadn’t spiked at his own words but a small smile curves at the corners of his lips,

“Yeah. Marry me.” Thomas repeats, braving to glance up at Manu who looks pale with dumbfoundedness.

Thomas waits. Manu panics.

Manu wonders if Thomas can sense just how close he is to panicking openly and whether he can hear how loud Manu’s heart is pounding against his chest,  _ marry me,  _ that can’t be. The words bounce around inside his head, repeating themselves louder and louder and Manu wonders whether this is all just a fever dream-

But, Thomas is reaching for his hand and looking ever-present and a hundred times calmer than Manu feels, 

“Sweetheart, you still with me-?”

“- Don’t joke about things like this, Thommy.” 

Thomas and Manu speak at the same time. Manu freezes and Thomas’ lips twist into a frown as he glances down at their joined hands. 

“I’m not joking about this. I love you. I want to marry you and I  _ kind of  _ hope you want to marry me too.” Thomas smiles, remaining hopeful as he watches the words sink in,

“You. You want to marry me?” Manu draws out the words slowly, still bordering on disbelief as Thomas’ grip on his hand subconsciously tightens. 

“I want to marry you, sweetheart.” Thomas confirms, 

_ “Jesus Christ.”  _ Manu mutters to himself, “this is really happening.” 

“Well…” Thomas trails off, “you haven’t exactly said yes yet.” 

Manu’s head snaps up and he realises that Thomas is right so he starts to laugh, cheeks flushed red,

“Yeah. Yes, damnit, yes, I want to marry you.” Manu chuckles, unable to stop himself smiling as he throws his arms around Thomas, holding him so tightly that his hand begins to burn in agony from how curled his hand is around his boyfriend-  fiancé. 

Manu can feel all the tension falling from Thomas’ shoulders and only then does he realise just how tense he must have been during Manu’s momentary panic, not that he can be down about it for too long because he feels like he’s ascended to the heavens. 

“Thank you.” Manu smiles as he kisses Thomas’ cheek,

“I love you.” Thomas smiles back at him, “and, I guess we need a ring now, huh.” He quips, already looking around. 

“I should - I should go and tell them about the wall.” Manu mumbles out, shifting awkwardly in embarrassment as he looks over at his handy work. 

Manu leaves Thomas alone for a few minutes and Thomas walks back to the wall, knocks twice,

“Hummels, I know you’re eavesdropping.” 

“I don’t know what you’re on about, Mull. Congrats by the way.” Mats calls out through the wall,

Thomas rolls his eyes but smiles nevertheless. Engaged.  _ Again.  _ This time it’ll last though, he’s sure of that. 

Thomas is rummaging through the bathroom when Manu returns to the room, eyebrows furrowed as he stands by the open bathroom door, he’s just about to call out Thomas’ name when the man in question turns around, 

“I know it’s not  _ exactly  _ what either of us had in mind but… it’ll do for now.” Thomas grins, actually, he looks seconds away from breaking down and laughing uncontrollably as  he opens his hand and Manu sees the round hook resting in Thomas’ palm.

“Did you pull that off the shower?” Manu asks him and desperately tries to hide the fact that he wants to smile, 

“We’ll get a real one when we get back.” Thomas shrugs and takes a step closer to Manu and slides the shower hook onto his finger and laughs to himself when it slides right off. “It’s the thought that counts, right?” 

Manu dissolves into giggles as he pulls Thomas towards him. 

“I think I scared the kid at reception when I told him about the wall.” Manu admits, an amused smile tugging at the corners of his lips, 

“Never change, sweetheart.” 

***

They’re getting ready for their next training session in preparation for the game against Sweden and are still high off the events of the last couple of days and Thomas has Manu pressed up against a wall in a secluded area near the tunnel. 

He’s got one hand in Manu’s hair, messing it up more than any two hour training session could ever begin to as he smiles against his fiancé’s lips whilst keeping his other hand on Manu’s hip, they struggle at the best of times to keep their hands off each other but it’s intensified to a level beyond either of their imaginations since the evening of their proposal.

Mats hates them, nothing else is new. 

“Do you two  _ mind?!”  _ Mats yells across the hallway, scoffing at the pair of them. “God, isn’t it bad enough that I have to put up with you every day but now you’re rubbing it in.  _ Please.”  _ Mats grumbles as he messes with the hem of his training jersey. 

Thomas smirks at Mats after leaving a series of shorter kisses against Manu’s lips, satisfied with how flustered his keeper looks. He keeps one arm wrapped around Manu’s waist as Mats rolls his eyes and heaves a dramatic sigh. 

“Just get a move on.” 

Thomas snickers as he leans up and kisses Manu’s cheek before chasing after his best friend and grabbing him back by his jersey. 

“I just. You found out he punched a wall and thought, yeah, this is the guy I want to marry. Are you  _ okay?”  _ Mats shrieks at him as they walk out onto the pitch,

Thomas shrugs, looking over towards the goalkeepers where Manu is laughing with Marc and feeling a surge of warmth for the man he loves. “Shut it, Hummels. You’re  _ not  _ ruining this for me.” 

Thomas watches as Manu struggles and winces as he tries to pull his glove on over his busted hand and when Manu catches his gaze; Thomas makes a ticking off motion and winks at his fiancé. Manu blushes as he fiddles with the strap, ignoring the confused look Marc sends him. 

Mats stops and watches the pair of them, the sickly look of love in his best friend’s eyes and he tries so hard not to think it but  _ damn  _ he knows that they make such a good pair, he almost rolls his eyes but stops himself and begrudgingly grabs hold of Thomas’ arm and turns him around, 

“God, you’re such a sap.” Mats points out, looking between Thomas and Manu who isn’t paying either of them attention anymore “but… I suppose. I’m happy for you, yeah?” 

Thomas raises his eyebrows, “are you just saying that so I don’t kick your ass?”

Mats snorts out a laugh. “First of all, you couldn’t do that and second, no, I’m actually happy for you. You two really  _ are  _ great together but if you don’t have an open bar-”

“Yeah, yeah.” Thomas interjects, shoving him towards the rest of their teammates with one long lasting look over at Manu,

Against all odds, they’re going to make it after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr!](https://hoewedeshummels.tumblr.com)


End file.
